It can be easily described as a healthy adventure in personal liberation – we are talking here of healthy boundaries especially important in a marriage. This involves a thorough analysis of oneself, becoming aware of what is important to us and what we actually stand for. Such an exercise will automatically aid you in your self-assessment, in understanding yourself and helping you to know that you are indeed worthy of good things in life. When a couple who have thus assessed themselves enter into marriage, they get into the relationship recognizing and respecting the individuality of each other, the independence and the personality that each has, and thus lay the foundation for a healthy relationship. The positive results are evident in the trust and in the strong belief that they can overcome normal difficulties that arise in any relationship. Their affinity is that of two completely equal people where each enjoys a healthy identity of his/her own. Such a situation is possible only when you treat yourself with respect and appreciate yourself for what you are. This way, you learn to appreciate your partner and respect him for what he is – only then can true love blossom and sustain.
What happens when you lack a sense of identity

This is the true danger zone in any marriage as it means that you are losing respect for self and completely submerging your personality in that of your spouse’s. You become totally dependent on your spouse and cannot even imagine what your life would be without this relationship. You tend to draw your identity from that of your partner and bend backwards to please him, prepared to do anything that will make the marriage work. You are prepared to let go of family, friends, your job, your independence and even your self respect. You are prepared to go any lengths to preserve the relationship.
How do you deal with this problem?

It is very important that you take hold of yourself when you feel that you are losing your individuality. There is something in each of us that makes us unique – assess yourself and find out what is unique about you. After all, you have your own value and that is not dependent on your spouse. You have your own individuality - you are a complete person in your own right. It is when you learn about yourself and accept yourself for what you are that your relationship has a chance to grow and flourish. If need be, go to a therapist for help in this very important voyage of self discovery. Once you are aware of your self as an individual, you will find that you are able to communicate very easily with your partner and command the respect due to you. You will also find yourself better able to appreciate your partner and his unique qualities and respect the differences in your personalities. This will automatically propel your marriage to a high level of intimacy, togetherness and commitment. While similarities in your makeup may draw you together initially, you will find that it is the differences that contribute to the excitement, the growth and the mystery of your relationship.