Two weeks ago, i could never imagine that i would be in the situation i am in now.Two weeks ago i found myself desperate to find the one man that held the key to my soul and filled my eyes with laughter, but today, im not sure if he is that man any more?

let me explain….I fell in love with the most amazing man that i thought god had ever created, he had his faults and i know that, but i never knew that i could feel such passion and excitement just by looking at someone in the eyes and actually experiencing what so many have claimed to say, i could see his soul and i could feel his mind in mine.

we met again on the exact date that we last parted.funnily enough we grew up together on a little road in south africa and were arch enemies.it so happens that the last day that i saw him, up until the day we found eachother agian after so many years, was the day he threw a gas bomb into my house and tried to suffocate me and my older sister.a boyish prank that i now find hilarious but then it was war!

I bumped into him by coincidence about ten years later and ever scince then he has plauged my mind and heart!when he introduced me to his friends he would say that i was the most beautiful girl in durban!that i could not beieve, but he made me feel as if noone else in the world matter, just him and i, we were gona take over the world!

things started to get a bit strange, i would find him staring at me from across the room with such a sad expressin on his eyes that i could not read.when i asked him what was wrong, he would only say that he was scared.”why are you scared my love?”i would ask and always he would reply, “im scared im falling in love with you.”
now i know that that was the beginning of the end.
slowly he started to pull away from me until eventually he wasnt even returning my calls.i was desperat to find out what had happend to him, was he okay, why wasnt he returning my call, has something really bad happend to him.but no, the truth hurt more that any injury i could imagine.

He was running from me.

from that day things were never the same, we broke apart and so did every atom of my heart.i remember i couldnt even get out of bed for not wanting to take anither step in life without him, but still not wanting to go to sleep because i didnt want to wake from a dream and realise my reality was my worst nightmare.

The days went on, the seasons changed and i learnt to live without him.but i had never let him out of my heart.

I moved to london to forget about him, thinking things would be easier without all those memories enveloping me constantly.but who would know that fate would have it that we would find eachother agin all these miles away from where we first met.

Last weekend was just like any other.i was out with my friend having a good time, laughing and joking when i felt a hand on my arm.imediatey i knew.it was him.i turned around and the same eyes looked into mine that i had been dreaming of for the past two years.the same smile lines creases around the same blood red lips that i had once kissed so passionatly. he had found me at the same place i thought he could never touch me.

i was a wreck.my friend held me on his lap like a baby while i cried, my heart bled each time i though of him.i had to get his number.
i scanned the room for him and immediatly found him.quickly without thinking a scribbled my number on a piece of srap paper with my eyeliner and shoved it in his hand and then left the club.i never thought he would call.

only when i got home he had already tried my number three times and left one text message which read….”so good to see you…”

weve made arrangements to meet this weekend.i dont know how i feel about him or whether i feel anything for him at all except friendship.i hope its the latter because i dont think my heart could take another battering.

I really love him, but i only hope he loves me enough to finally let me free…