I’ve been with my boyfriend for more than two years. About two months ago he decided to move to another country because of a better job opportunity. This was very much unexpected for me. I knew that he wasn’t very happy with his job here, but he didn’t really try to find anything else closer to home. Instead he moved away when an easy opportunity came up. He also knew that I hated the city he was going to live in. Now I am really confused, and don’t know what is going to happen, since he doesn’t know how long he is going to stay there. I miss him terribly, and though he always said that he is very happy with me and the only reason he is moving is because of his career, I feel that he should have done more for us to stay together. Of course, I am very supportive of his dreams and professional progress, but I always believed that we can do that together, by each other’s side. I don’t understand why he didn’t try harder to find something here, and be with me at the same time. As things stand, I have started to think about moving there as well, though there are not many jobs that I’d like to do there. Should I be the one to make the sacrifices when he is clearly not ready to make any? Is it right to move if I can’t be sure about his feelings after I saw how he put our relationship in a second place?
–He Moved Without Asking

I think you have to look at your long-term goals as a couple. You’ve been dating for two years now. Are either of you considering marriage, or making your relationship more permanent? It seems like you are both missing the communication that a more involved couple would share.

Even though he may have chosen to take the job anyway, if you were in a more serious relationship with him, I would like to think he would have talked with you about it first. I’m not saying that he doesn’t value your relationship or that he put it second, but I certainly feel like some communication was missed and that, more than anything, is what has you upset. It’s like he made this major life decision without any regard to your feelings about it.

For that reason, I might also be a little hesitant about moving to his city. Before making that type of major decision I would certainly gauge how serious this relationship is and what potential is has for a more committed future. If he isn’t on the same page as you after two plus years, this might be his way of giving the relationship the distance it needs to fade out.

My best advice would be to handle your upset about him moving and find out what future plans he has for you both. I think once you have that information, the decision you need to make will be much clearer for you.