I dated this really great guy right out of high school until I left for the Army. While I was in basic training I used my five minute phone call to talk to him. He was out and his brother said that he was cheating on me. I was already stressed from basic training, and most guys that I know are cheats. So I broke, and sent him a rude letter. I am back home now and see him often because we live in a small town. He is engaged to a girl, but has put off the wedding twice because, according to his friends and mom I still talk to, he is still in love with me. I still love him, but I do not plan on staying here in this town. I was not born and raised here like him, and so I am not attached to the place. I talked to him last night and we got along great which made me really miss him and feel awful for the way I broke up with him without listening to his side. Should I apologize to him even though it has been a few months, or should I not stir up the past and just let it go? Help please! -Fixing A Bad Breakup

Handling an issue that hasn’t been cleared is typically a good idea. I think it would help you both to move forward with your prospective lives. The only problem I see is if you feel that because you apologized he will want to be with you instead of his fiance. You can’t expect that. He obviously cares enough about the person to have proposed. If he wants to break things off with her he needs to do it because it was his decision. He shouldn’t be doing it because he may think he has someone else who might want to be with him waiting in the corner. Doing so will only make you both have “what if” questions running through your mind whenever you run into problems in the relationship. If a relationship is to transpire, and for it to actually work, you both need to come to it with a clean slate. Honestly though, if you’re planning on leaving anyway, it may just be better to say your apologies and let sleeping dogs lie.

In today’s fast paced world, it’s difficult at times to combine a career with a romantic relationship. This is especially true for those who are in high pressure positions where their careers force them to work long hours or be available for dinner meetings or out of town functions. In the past this was a problem only men had to face, but today with so many female executives it’s a problem that faces both genders equally. It may even affect women more than men because women are still new to the management field and must prove themselves in a field that was previously dominated by men.

One of the biggest obstacles that men and women face in a career-oriented world is how to set priorities. Quite often there seems to be the belief that it’s essential to attend every after hours meeting and every out of town function in order for the company to maintain its level of trust and confidence in each person in a position of authority. Both men and women neglect their spouse or partner in order to maintain their position at the top of the corporate ladder. At the same time they expect their relationships to remain in tact until they get to where they want to be or feel they have won the confidence of those higher in the corporate infrastructure.

Although many relationships will survive the neglect that is part of the climb up the corporate ladder, many others will not. This is especially prevalent for males because they do not always know when they have reached the point where they no longer need to put their entire lives on hold. These Type A personalities are the workaholics, those who are “married” to their jobs and unable to enjoy life outside of work. It is fortunate that not all executives are in this category, but there are enough of them that there is need to address the issue of relationship neglect.

For the up and coming executive, he or she must realize that the person who is supporting your climb to the top will only be there for you as long as you acknowledge their presence in your life. That means your job cannot consume you as you come home at nine or ten o’clock every night expecting a hot meal and your favorite drink. You also should not expect your partner to be denied your company every night of the week.

It’s essential for you to take time to work on your relationship even while you are working on your career. If you neglect your relationship, there will be no one there to cheer you when you reach your highest level of achievement. A relationship requires nurturing, even married couples who have been married for over 20 years. There is no point in your career when you can sit back and work on your career and neglect your marriage or partnership. Always put your relationship first and work on your career during your normal working hours and occasional evening meeting and out of town conference.

Before you think of cheating your partner, pause and think. How will you react if you are told that your partner is cheating upon you?

Small touches can break many mental and physical barriers. Make small touches with your fingers. Nothing serious, only casual. This will make a world of difference to the relationship.

While talking to your partner, if you speak something dishonest, your body language will give away the truth. When you try to deceive, your body gives it away. A relationship that is based on truth and trust survives. Deception always fails.

Feelings are a very powerful tool we have to be happier. Many times we come to the break-up of a relationship we are unable to understand why we did not anticipate that. Go back and look at your feelings during your relationship. Did your feelings not tell you about this?

Let us find out more. Sometimes we get confused in a relationship. We seek advice from friends and family and discuss and think about what may be going wrong. We do not pay attention to what our feelings tell us. I have seen instances when couples break- up though their feelings tell them differently. This couple never forgets the ex. Partner because the break-up can never be complete. Had they listened to their feelings instead of focusing on small arguments, they would have realized that they cared for each other and were not ready for break-up.

Have you observed your feelings with your friends? Some of them you like instantly while you never like some of them despite any arguments having taken place. Our subconscious mind tells us about the true character of that person and draws us away. But we do not listen.

Feelings are like radars. They watch over everything and transmit the message. Many persons in an abusive relationship keep hoping that things will improve. Though their feelings tell them that the situation will rather worsen. It is question of hope against reality. Our feelings tell us about the reality. Our desires give us hope. Listen to your feelings and realize your true worth.

Why many of us do not listen to our feelings? This is because we feel unworthy. We feel that others are more intelligent and will give us right advice. We are less capable than others. This causes the problems. Pay attention to what others say but let your feelings be the final judge.

Relationships are complex things, but following these basics will help you make your relationships healthy and strong.

When in doubt, listen first and check to see if you have understood the other person by asking them questions. Often relationships go awry when people feel they aren’t being heard or understood and sometimes it’s important just to listen. You have to know what they want, not what you think is good for them. Listening is what helps us to find connection with each other. This also means you need to tell others what you really feel, think, and want. You can’t feel connected if you don’t voice these things.

Communicate simply when it is most critical that they hear you. Get clear in your own mind what kind of outcome you would like and try to state it in the most simple and specific terms. You will more likely be understood the more clear you can be, and often that means fewer words, not more. Sometimes repetition is necessary in getting through to someone what is really important to you.

Always show respect. Respect means listening, accepting a no when you are given one, not taking them for granted, being honest in your dealings with them, and not criticizing often or discouraging them. It is also important that you do not try to control others, and just as important that you show respect to yourself and ask that they treat you the same or be willing to walk away.

Know when it isn’t a healthy relationship. Just because you care about someone doesn’t mean you should be in a relationship with them at this time. They should be good for you, not addicted to anything, not controlling or abusive in any way, and make you feel secure and happy. It is not possible to make a relationship work with someone who doesn’t care about you, or who abuses a substance or you, so don’t try.

Seek to be good for others and don’t tear them down. People like to be with those who make them feel good and who are good for them. Lighten up and have fun together and your relationship will grow.

What is the difference between a friendship and an emotional affair? Is an emotional affair wrong? Does an emotional affair help a relationship by letting a partner vent out all emotional frustration, which otherwise they would not have done with his/her partner? Or does it kill the relationship? How to know if a friendship is proceeding towards and emotional affair?

Let us find out what happens in life of Jack and Jeanette, a lovely couple. They courted for many years and then decided that they wanted to live together. They were in love and they felt that it was time to cement the relationship by living together and having children. The first few months of their life together was smooth but as time passed the strain of living together started showing up? They were trying to sort out the issues, but during that time Jeanette happened to meet her old friend Ronald.

Ronald was a good friend of Jeanette in the college and Jeanette used to take his advice for all her problems. When Jeanette met Ronald she thought that she should talk to Ronald about her relationship with Jack. She should have not done that at all. She was already trying to sort out her issues talking with Jack and she should have continued talking to Jack only. But after talking to Ronald it looked as if Jack was the opposition to Jeanette.

This began changing equations of the relationship. Jeanette’s relationship with Ronald slowly changed to emotional relationship and ultimately she broke away with Jack. A relationship was destroyed because Jeanette crossed a boundary. She discussed something very personal with Ronald. In any relationship, the issues of relationship should never be discussed with any body else unless the break up looks imminent. Jeanette was a friend of Ronald. Ronald should have never been allowed to enter the issues of her relationship with Jack. If you are making any such blunder, please avoid.

In the beginning of a new relationship, most guys know you expect a little phone time and they will give it to you. This might make you think he likes those two-hour conversations, but he really doesn’t.

Be a different kind of girl by keeping your phone calls short and sweet. Most girls become demanding while dating and want their guy to call them more and more. What was once a sweet phone call becomes a dreaded daily obligation in a man’s eyes. It becomes a chore on his “to-do” list.

Long phone calls in which you hash over all the events of the day also take away the mystery and intrigue that keeps him interested. He doesn’t have to wonder about what you’re doing when you fill him in on all the minute-by-minute details every night on the phone.

Be a woman of mystery. Chat a few minutes, then say “gotta run, talk to you later, sweetie” and hang up! Let him wonder why he doesn’t have you and your time all to himself. Where are you going when you “gotta go”? Who are you talking to on the phone when you’re not talking to him? Men love a mystery, so give it to them. Keep your phone calls short and sweet and he will never get tired of calling.

Do you suspect (or know) that a supposedly monogamous partner has cheated on you? You are not alone. Between a fourth and half of all attached partners will cheat (or have cheated) at one time or another.

Knowing others are affected too, however, does not lessen the hurt. Take a look at these steps and use them to help you get through the trauma. This can be an exceptional painful issue and the emotions are very intense so use this as a checklist to help yourself get through the event.

1. First and foremost - take a deep breath and some time. Do not let yourself have a knee-jerk response. Think! This is especially important in long-term relationships. Sudden reactions without thought can lead to consequences you might regret. Give yourself some mental space before you take any action.
2. Talk to someone. You are not alone. Statistics are sketchy and vary widely, but many surveys have been done on cheating and they indicate that between a fourth and half of all married people will or have cheated at one time or another.
3. Do not blame yourself. It’s easy for people to start looking at themselves for reasons why their partner cheated… nothing good will come of that. Issues that lead to cheating sometimes involve both people, but that’s certainly not always the case.
4. Determine whether you were actually cheated on. Ask yourself these questions: Were you officially boyfriend and girlfriend at the time this “cheating” occurred? Were you officially monogamous? If not, you cannot be sure that your significant other knew what he or she was doing would offend you, in which case you might want to consider less confrontational options.
5. Talk to your partner. Let your concerns and fears be known. It might come out that nothing at all happened, or perhaps something did happen and coercion was involved (workplace sexual harrassment, for example, which needs to be discussed openly and immediately to ward off future occurrences). There could be a substance abuse or psychological issue that needs to be addressed (sex addiction is very real). If help is warranted, you might want to support your partner in getting help - that could prove theraputic for both of you. However, substance abuse is not a valid “excuse” for inappropriate behavior and you absolutely must not permit the “yeah but I was drunk so it doesn’t matter” argument - stand very firm on that.
6. Ask yourself if you will ever be able to look at your partner the same way. Infidelity doesn’t mean much for some, and some people have more than one physical relationship and it doesn’t suggest a shortcoming in their relationship with their steady partner, but this is rare. Infidelity often indicates boredom and dissatisfaction with the present relationships. Dealing with a partner who doesn’t want you in the first place, or one who doesn’t mind hurting you, is ridiculous. Dump him/her if this is the case.
7. If you decide this is irreconcilable, don’t break up with your partner and later take him/her back. This will only give you more emotional stress. If you break up, make it a clean break. However, a trial separation is a valid option. If you do make a break of any kind (permanent or trial) don’t talk to your ex after breaking up with him/her immediately. Give yourself some cooling off time first. If there are children or critical financial issues this might not be possible. In that case, set specific ground rules (time frames, meeting places, etc). This can be difficult, but it’s important.
8. If you are married and pretty sure a more than casual relationship is happening you might need to consider an attorney or a reputable detective in the area that specializes in domestic cases. Check references.
9. If you do use an investigator, do not confront or accuse your partner. Let the investigator do his/her job first (if you confront them they may continue in an even more cautious way which will make the investigation more expensive).
10. Get tested for STD’s as soon as possible. Not knowing will cause you extreme stress. Early treatment is critical.
11. If you can, collect evidence (receipts, emails, photographs, etc.) of the paramour. Keep this information at a friend or family member’s house. This will be less work the investigator will need to do later on your dollar.
12. Don’t start rumors. Share your suspicions with more than one close friend is likely to create gossip that can have very negative results in many areas. If there is an investigation underway, that kind of talk can hamper the case.
13. Look at your own personal actions, too. If you are also cheating, then it might be time to have an open discussion with your partner and clear the air. Perhaps couples counseling is in order. If divorce is the chosen option, remember it can get very ugly very quickly, and your indiscretions will be brought into the limelight as well.
14. Turnabout is not fair play. Don’t start a relationship just because your spouse has done so. This is pure revenge and nothing good will come of it.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years later. I asked him for a commitment and he said that he wasn’t ready. I told him I would give him time and another year passed before I asked him again. He still said that he wasn’t ready and that we needed some space. Three weeks later he called me and said that he was ready for a commitment and we started making plans to move in together. Then, suddenly we got into a little argument and he said he didn’t want to commit. Should I stick around and wait for him to decide what he wants or should I move on to someone else? -Tired of Waiting

Dear Tired of Waiting,
Frankly, I can understand why your boyfriend might be a little commitment shy. If he’s unable to handle a misunderstanding and move past it, he’s not ready to be in ANY serious relationship with ANYONE. If it was me, I’d give him all the space he needs by walking right out the door. If and when he gets over himself and “his” needs, you can re-evaluate the situation then. For now, every moment you stay with him is another moment you are losing with Mr. Right. Don’t fall into the trap that anyone is better than no one. After three years, if a relationship doesn’t have a goal or purpose, it’s not going to.