I did everything possible to save our relationship. I gave in a lot, but I could not save. We will be breaking-up soon. That has already broken my heart. This relationship was made brick by brick over so many years. What all we did not do to make it last? But alas, we are breaking -up. This is a typical statement from a person facing break-up. How to survive after a break-up? Will you survive a break-up? Why not quiz yourself about it?

The immediate effect of the break-up would be pain. Will you be able to take the pain? The pain would go away slowly over a number of years, but the initial impact will be high. You will have to gather all your energy and tolerate the pain.

The second effect would be bitterness and blame. You will non stop think about the behavior of your ex partner and fix blame everywhere. You will recap all the arguments and fights and there will be a large amount of self-talk about how you were ditched. That will not be a pleasant experience. You will have to find way out of all this by spending quality time with friends, involving you in new activities, and keep yourself busy. Are you ready for that?

The major effect would be the temptation to join immediately with anew partner. This can work both the ways. Some people never wish to form a relationship again after undergoing the trauma, while some want to form a relationship as soon as possible to forget the earlier one. Both of theses choices carry danger. The best alternative is to wait for sometime and when you find your stability and self esteem back, try and form another relationship. Are you ready for this?

Love and break-up are two sides of the same coin. It is invariably break-up after love. For most of us it seems inevitable now a days. The question is only of time. Some couples break-up after many years, while some break-up after few months. What about you? Are you nearing a break-up? Quiz yourself and find out if your relationship of love is on brink now. Quiz and find out if the symptoms are already appearing?

How to find out if the break-up is due anytime now? Earlier you enjoyed being with your partner. Is it the same now, or you want to have more of personal space and want to be more with your friends? Quiz your buying habits for your partner. Earlier you gave lot of thought and money was not the only consideration to buy anything for your partner. Are you calculating money now a days? Do you let some occasion go without making a present? Quiz yourself about your talking habits. Earlier you never uttered a word that could hurt your partner. What about now? Are you as careful in selecting your words?

These are small indicators that will tell you the subtle changes that are taking place in your relationship. Watch for these changes and find out if you are sliding down towards an inevitable break-up?

Quiz yourself about your love, your care, your relationships and your desire for each other. Small quizzes will give you hints about large changes. Quiz is a great tool to find out about your life.

Break-ups appear suddenly. But the process of breaking -up begins much earlier. Every break-up hurts. What about your love life? Are you also going towards an inevitable break-up?

Surviving after a break-up is tough. Speaking about relationships, relationships connect us in this world with each other. We have many kinds of relationships-parental, sibling, friends, professional and love. We go through many phases in all these relationships. Ups and downs are part of our life and our relationships. Most of us can bear break down in most of the above relationships except those of love. Why? Who will survive a breakdown in romantic relationship and how? Let us find out.

I was speaking to somebody who will be breaking up soon. The statement went something like this- I did everything possible to save our relationship. I gave in a lot, but I could not save. We will be breaking-up soon. That has already broken my heart. This relationship was made brick by brick over so many years. What all we did not do to make it last? But alas, we are breaking up. I asked the person- how to you propose to go on in life now? There was no answer except a blank stare. This happens to most of us.

The immediate effect of the break-up is pain. The pain goes away slowly over a number of years, but the initial impact is high. It is the initial period during which one has to gather all the energy and tolerate the pain.

The second effect is bitterness and blame. There is recap of all the arguments and fights and there is a large amount of self-talk about how one were ditched. That is not pleasant. Try the following to overcome this phase.

Spend quality time with friends, involving you in new activities, and keep yourself busy.

Refocus yourself to your career. Make some very exciting plans and meet some intelligent and successful people. Begin talking to them about what you should do to enhance your potential. Find out what can be done best by you and how will you reach the top. Write down all these goals and focus on them

When he first contacted me I was flattered that such a striking man would want to know me, but I could not understand why such a wonderful man would want to know a person like me.  Then I misunderstood his intentions and told him not to contact me again.  He persisted and I gave in, we became friends and I even advised him on how to obtain a life partner.  He told me had had found someone and then I realised just how much I cared about him.  I was happy that he was happy, but sad that I was to lose him.  Fate dealt a helping hand and this other woman let him go.  At the same time my friend did the same to me and we consoled each other.  Our friendship grew to love and now I am the happiest person alive.  Broken hearts do mend and we both found something far deeper in the process.  Paul I will love you for life, you are my soul, my heart, my whole being.

Breaking up is never fun. The end of a relationship means the beginning of a
period of mourning and healing for both people. If the break up was
mutual both people will experience a period of adjustment where they
are getting used to no longer being together. If the break up was not
mutual the person who ended things may be dealing with guilt and
feelings that they may have made a mistake. The person being broken up
with will definitely have to adjust, first to being rejected and second
to life without somebody they still care for. How do you get through
those first few weeks? Here we list eight essential things everybody
must do in the early days of a break up to let the healing begin.

1. Avoid the former love. Yes, avoid. No, this isn’t being
immature. Seeing your former flame can bring out emotions and may cause
you do to or say something you will regret. In the first few weeks the
best thing you can do for yourself is not be where you know they will
be.
2. Talk out your feelings with close friends. Get everything out
so that you won’t hold it inside. Your friends may get sick of hearing
you talk about the situation but you need to let out all your feelings
and thoughts or they may come back to bite you later.
3. Cry if you want to. It’s OK to cry over a loss. Don’t hold
back, let the tears roll just do it in a safe and private place where
it is unlikely to get back to your ex. You don’t want your tears to be
used as a guilt trip. Their purpose is to cleanse you of any pain not
make your lover come back.
4. Let go of mementos. Put away or give away anything and
everything that reminds you of the relationship. Hide them out of sight
so they will be out of mind until you are able to remember the
relationship without longing for it to still be going strong.
5. Don’t slip up and get together with your ex. When you are
feeling sad or missing a relationship it can be very easy to fall back
in to the arms of your ex but DO NOT DO THIS. This will only set you
back and let’s face it, if things ended the relationship wasn’t perfect
to begin with so why would you want to rekindle things?
6. Focus on all the things about your ex that drove you crazy,
turned you off, or that you just plain found annoying. Think about
these things often and replay them in your mind over and over. Dwell on
them. It will make you feel better to remember that your former flame
was not perfect and that there are things you won’t really miss.
7. Think about the mean, cruel or rude things your ex may have
done in your relationship. Really give these things play in your
memory. Remind yourself that somebody who truly cared for you would not
have done such thoughtless things and tell yourself (over and over)
that you are better off without that kind of ego crushing behavior in
your life.
8. Maintain a strict no contact policy and stick with it. Don’t
pass notes through friends. Don’t make any calls. Stay away from
instant messaging or texting on your cell. Just don’t contact your ex
until you are totally and completely sure you no longer want to be with
him or her. It is the only way.

Mending a broken heart is not easy but it can be done. Just
stick to the game plan outlined above and before you know it you’ll be
just fine. Good luck!

Dealing With An Online Breakup

Healing your heart with time and love…

Alas, not every online love relationship will make it through as a success story. An online breakup can seem even more empty and alone than breaking off a traditional relationship. Thoughts of self-doubt, wasted time and more can overflow your mind. If you find yourself trying to handle an online breakup use the following tips to help heal and move on.

* Quit using the chat or place where you often communicated for a while.

* Become more active outside of the computer. Chances are while you were together you spent entirely too much time inside. Get outdoors and visit some old friends.

* Develop a new Internet hobby or interest such as playing games, learning how to make web pages, or researching your family tree.

* Figure out what you want to do about finding a new love. Sign up to an Internet personals service or start chatting with old friends you haven’t talked to in a while.

* Remove all reminders of your Internet love including pictures, letters and other memorabilia. You don’t need to throw it away; just remove it so you can’t see them for a while.

* Start a daily journal to release all of your feelings. Chances are you may not be comfortable talking with other people about your online relationship. This is an excellent way to make sure things don’t get bottled up and cause issues in future relationships.

I’ve been in a serious relationship with the man of my dreams for 3 1/2 yrs. We even own a house together. He is 3 years my junior; I’m 27. Well, just last night I was awakened by him making moaning sounds. I figured he must be having a dream about him and I being intimate. I turned the light on just to watch him out of curiosity, when he called out in his sleep, “Ladina, I love you.” He said it about 4 or 5 times. I ran out of our room crying and just let him sleep. Ladina is the name of his ex-girlfriend that he was with about a year or so before I met him. When he woke up I told him in a calm voice what had happened and all he could say was I don’t know why I did that. Is this a sign for me to get out of this relationship? How and what do I do? PLEASE, I’m so confused. He told me that he loves me and is in love with me and not to worry. But, that took some serious stabs to my heart. -Dreaming Away Our Love

Dreams have always fascinated me. I’ve always used my dreams as a personal life “satisfaction” gauge. If things are causing me added stress, it usually shows up in some wacky dream. I don’t particularly pay attention to the actual people or events in my dreams, but rather the overall theme or feeling of them. Dreams are fluid and ever-changing. In one picture you could have a bear in a red house, and the very next scene would be a dog in a yellow house. Because of this, people in dreams are often not who they really are. How many times have you dreamed someone was a certain person, but they had a different body or face? Since there isn’t a definitive guide to the meaning or interpretation of dreams, it really isn’t something I would consider serious enough to break off a three year relationship over. If I were in your same situation, these are the steps I personally would take:

First, I’d talk to my partner about how hearing him say that in the dream made me feel. I’d let him know that I understand he probably never even thinks of the person, and something during the day probably triggered it, but it was still upsetting.

Second, I’d clarify that there weren’t any problems or stress he was feeling with the relationship that could have led to the dreams. Dreams are often a reflection of what we’re feeling, so it could have been symbolic of something that has been bothering him.

Lastly, I’d spend some private, romantic time with him, so I could relinquish all doubts and insecurities about the matter.

My boyfriend and I are always arguing because of his lack of time. When he started his business our relationship became so dull because we didn’t see and talk to each other like before. I’m asking for a little of his time, but he said that I don’t understand his situation; that he is too busy. I gave him time to adjust but this situation has been happening for a year and I cannot take it anymore. I’m thinking of breaking up, but I can’t do it because I still love him. What should I do? How can I tell him that time is very important in a relationship? I feel that his business is more important than me. I need attention and I need his time. I want things to be like before. Please help. -No Time For Me

First, I would definitely try and talk with him about it one more time. There’s nothing wrong with a last ditch effort. It does seem a little unreasonable that he is continually putting his business in front of you. When you talk to him explain exactly how you’re feeling. Try to offer some type of compromise. Maybe you could help him in someway with his business or hobbies. The more you have in common the more time you will be able to spend together. If none of this works in your situation you’ll have to make a decision about whether to continue this relationship. Look down the road into your future. If this is how he is now, how will things change if you ever become more seriously involved? Is this an example of how he views his priorities? If he has a family, will he put them first or his work? Can you live like this for another year or even more if there isn’t a change? Things will never be like they were before, but hopefully you can both come to some agreement on making it better than it is now. Things change and we either change with them or we move on to something else. What you need to do is figure out which direction is best for you, regardless of the feelings attached.

I love my ex-boyfriend more than anything in this world. He was my first love, and we were together for two years. Now, he is with another girl. I didn’t want to believe it at first. I wanted to believe his lies that he loved me, and I fought so hard to be with him. Now, I just called his house and she answered. I am so upset. I feel like the world is ending, and if I can’t be with him I will never find anyone else I am going to love that much. Please help me with some good advice. -Missing Him

Dear Waiting For Him,
Some people hold truth to the myth that there is only ONE love for you out there. This could not be farther from the truth. Humans have the ability to deeply love any person they choose to. True we may have a stronger, intimate connection with some, but it doesn’t mean it can only happen once. For whatever reason, this relationship isn’t the right one for you. If it were, you’d still be in it. When you’re feeling down, remember that. Know that your special someone is out there, and when you’re ready you WILL find him. But, you have to start looking ahead of you to find him. He isn’t going to be trailing in your shadows.

I also suggest getting ready for the future by keeping a daily journal to help you release your feelings. It never helps to keep things bottled up, and a journal provides the perfect “safe” escape. I also feel helping others is a great way to take the focus off of yourself. Join a forum, such as the ones here and help or just talk with other people going through the same experiences. Knowing you’re not the only one goes a long way to improving your outlook on things.

We all have our own paths to take. Unfortunately, they don’t always go the direction we thought we were intended for. In time, you’ll realize this is actually for your benefit. Something wonderful that you never dreamed would happen will be just around the corner on your new path. Just sit tight and have faith in yourself.

I wonder why I can’t find love. I am in love with my “supposed” boyfriend. When we met, he told me that he was in another relationship, but wasn’t happy there. We got along just fine and I started developing feelings for him. Even at this stage I was not sure whether to tell him or not. Finally, I was bold enough to tell him this. A few days after, he came to tell me that his girlfriend was in town. I was weak and scared. He told me not to come to visit and that he’ll call me when she is gone. My heart broke and I cried and cried. Well there wasn’t anything I could have done, because I knew he had another. Now that he is back, things are not the same anymore. I don’t get all excited, and worse still, he now finds faults in everything I do. I feel lost. I know I don’t feel the same way for him, but I am still sticking around. I don’t know if it will get better or worse. Or, what my true feelings are? -Tears of Love

Dear Tears of Love,
It seems like this relationship is on its way out, and probably not a moment too soon. A relationship with someone who already has a vested romantic interest in someone else is one filled with potential heartbreak and emotional roller coasters. Since your interest is already waning, and his is as well, this is the best opportunity for splitting ways. You deserve someone who can put ALL of their attention on just you. Anything less is just settling.

I dated this really great guy right out of high school until I left for the Army. While I was in basic training I used my five minute phone call to talk to him. He was out and his brother said that he was cheating on me. I was already stressed from basic training, and most guys that I know are cheats. So I broke, and sent him a rude letter. I am back home now and see him often because we live in a small town. He is engaged to a girl, but has put off the wedding twice because, according to his friends and mom I still talk to, he is still in love with me. I still love him, but I do not plan on staying here in this town. I was not born and raised here like him, and so I am not attached to the place. I talked to him last night and we got along great which made me really miss him and feel awful for the way I broke up with him without listening to his side. Should I apologize to him even though it has been a few months, or should I not stir up the past and just let it go? Help please! -Fixing A Bad Breakup

Dear Fixing A Bad Breakup,
Handling an issue that hasn’t been cleared is typically a good idea. I think it would help you both to move forward with your prospective lives. The only problem I see is if you feel that because you apologized he will want to be with you instead of his fiance. You can’t expect that. He obviously cares enough about the person to have proposed. If he wants to break things off with her he needs to do it because it was his decision. He shouldn’t be doing it because he may think he has someone else who might want to be with him waiting in the corner. Doing so will only make you both have “what if” questions running through your mind whenever you run into problems in the relationship. If a relationship is to transpire, and for it to actually work, you both need to come to it with a clean slate. Honestly though, if you’re planning on leaving anyway, it may just be better to say your apologies and let sleeping dogs lie.

I recently moved out of a house I was sharing with my once fiancée. I left because she has three kids and they make it impossible for her to have a relationship with me. I left so that she would no longer feel the stress her kids put on her. We were carrying on a relationship in our free time away from the kids up until their Christmas break from school. Since then though the calls have been few and far between. I don’t call her because she says it puts stress on her kids because they are afraid I will be moving back in on their territory. Today she told me that I mean the world to her, but not to wait to get what I deserve out of a relationship from her. That she needs to work on herself and the kids and that, for the time being, she doesn’t want us to be romantically involved. She is my true love and I keep sacrificing for her, and now I am left not knowing what to do. I don’t want to end the relationship with her because I have known her for a long time and care for her deeply. When I do leave my residence I always come back running to the answering machine hoping for a message. What do I do? -It’s Over…

Dear It’s Over…,
Not every relationship is meant to be. It doesn’t look like this one will be ready for you for quite some time. To be honest, I think it might be a good idea to follow her advice and not limit your relationship possibilities to her. Love alone cannot make a relationship work long-term. You need support from all immediate members in the family, a willingness to share just about all aspects of your life together, communication and trust. While you may have the communication and trust, you do not have the other two. Without those, this relationship never had any future potential. I know this doesn’t help with the hurt and loneliness you are probably feeling now, but these emotions dim over time. It may not feel like you will find someone else as great as her, but you will. Console yourself and then start keeping an eye out for other romantic opportunities.

There isn’t a sure-fire way to mend a broken heart but there are definitely things you can to do to make it feel a bit lighter and ready for new love. First, allow yourself to feel what you need to and take all the time in the world to get over the person. For some people it may only take a few weeks to move on and others years. However long it takes, be okay with that. The ideas below are not meant to cover up your loss but rather to help your healing process so you can move on and enjoy being single for awhile!

1. Throw a small party. The fun of letting loose and being surrounded with your close friends can make anyone feel better.

2. Gather everything that reminds you of your past love and put it in a box specifically for this. Then give it to a friend or store it somewhere where you won’t see or think about it. When you’re ready you can either throw away the box or keep it for memory’s sake.

3. Start a new exercise or well-being plan. It never hurts to take time to look good!

4. Start a daily journal, even if it’s on your computer. Somewhere everyday take the time to jot down whatever comes to mind. The idea in starting a journal is not to write cleverly or even about anything important. Just write (or type) whatever comes to mind even if your journal starts to look like this: “Went shopping yesterday for a new book oh yea need to e-mail Susan, the flowers on that window sill need watering.” The point of your journal is to clear your thoughts. In a few weeks you will be able to read your entries to discover new things and trends about yourself.

5. Join a new interest group. It’s never to early too meet new friends and, at least this way, you’ll already have one thing in common.

6. Learn something new. Take a foreign language or art course, or buy a how-to computer program.

7. Pick out an inspirational book or movie to read or watch whenever you start feeling down or depressed.

8. Take yourself out on a date, even if it’s a night alone watching your favorite programs and eating your favorite foods.

9. Do the things you said you always wanted to do when you were with your partner but somehow never did.

10. Get a new look.

11. Pick up a calendar and fill out the next 3 months with social events you’d like to attend or things you’d like to do. Browse your city’s web site or the entertainment section of your local newspaper to find out ideas, dates and times.

12. Spend a “comfy” day. Get out your favorite comfy clothes, pillow, blanket, etc. and just spend the day relaxing doing whatever you want!

13. Get a pet or plant to take care of.

14. Rent a few romantic movies or read a few romance novels to remind yourself that love does still have happy endings.

15. Write a goodbye poem or letter. Then stick it in a bottle and throw it out in the sea or attach it to a helium balloon to be carried away.

16. Do something you wouldn’t normally do to celebrate your “singleness.”

17. Redecorate your space. Start off by cleaning out everything and throwing away anything you don’t use or need anymore. Make a few self-indulgent decorating additions like a few candles, a favorite painting or fresh flowers!

18. Visit a new city. Pick some place you’ve always wanted to go or some place closer to home to save money.

19. Spend time with your friends.

by Jennifer Good

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years later. I asked him for a commitment and he said that he wasn’t ready. I told him I would give him time and another year passed before I asked him again. He still said that he wasn’t ready and that we needed some space. Three weeks later he called me and said that he was ready for a commitment and we started making plans to move in together. Then, suddenly we got into a little argument and he said he didn’t want to commit. Should I stick around and wait for him to decide what he wants or should I move on to someone else? -Tired of Waiting

Dear Tired of Waiting,
Frankly, I can understand why your boyfriend might be a little commitment shy. If he’s unable to handle a misunderstanding and move past it, he’s not ready to be in ANY serious relationship with ANYONE. If it was me, I’d give him all the space he needs by walking right out the door. If and when he gets over himself and “his” needs, you can re-evaluate the situation then. For now, every moment you stay with him is another moment you are losing with Mr. Right. Don’t fall into the trap that anyone is better than no one. After three years, if a relationship doesn’t have a goal or purpose, it’s not going to.

A self-healing process…

So, you’ve found out that Mr. or Miss Right isn’t the soul mate you’ve always dreamed about. Now what? The period of loss and pain doesn’t have to extend on to an eternity of what ifs. After spending a few days wallowing in self-pity, you’ll probably want to start making a few steps towards life after love. To help ease this transition, try a few of the following ideas.

Keep a daily journal.
Letting loose on your emotions is a quick and self-healing way to recover from incidents of loss and pain. This is especially true of keeping a journal. Make a commitment to write for at least a few minutes every day.

Learn at least one new thing a day.
Keep your mind busy with new information. Whether you decide to learn a new word or how to do something new on your computer, it will help you keep moving forward instead of looking back.

Take a daily walk.
Get yourself out and about with a 20 to 30 minute walk. Just the constant, repetitive motion of moving your legs one after another is enough to help you put things in perspective.

Go out with yourself.
Just because you are not attached to someone doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy going out. Think of it as a chance to go to all the places you’ve always wanted to go.

Develop a hobby.
Maybe there is something you’ve always wanted to learn how to do. Now is the perfect opportunity to develop it! Try anything from bicycling, joining a walking club, sewing, bodyboarding or surfing, learning how to watercolor, or cooking.

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