It was in Middle School, we had a kind of prom ‘cept it was for the 8th graders, and all the guys wore suits and the girls wore dresses and stuff. A guy I liked had asked me to the dance earlier, and we met there. The dance itself was really fun. Afterwords he came over to my house for a little while. We live on a beautiful creek, and in my backyard we have a hammock by the waterside. The moon was up and there were tons of stars in the sky. The way the moon hit the water was just amazing, everything looked so beautiful. Anyway, me and my date went and sat on the hammock and talked for a while. Then he looked up at me and we looked in each others eyes for a long time. He leaned forward and kissed me. Then, pretty much as soon as his lips touched mine, the strings holding the hammock up broke and we both fell to the ground. We looked at each other then cracked up laughing. It was an amazing first kiss to me, better then I could’ve imagined… it was the kind that you know you’ll never forget :]

Showing your feelings has never been easier since the advent of the text message. Anytime or anywhere you can instantly shoot off a message across the globe to the one you love, letting them know they are on your mind. Unfortunately, it isn’t always easy coming up with witty romantic words of love. So, to help ease your burden, we’ve come up with a whole host of romantic messages that will set your love’s heart atwitter with delight. If you have a great message that isn’t included here, let us know and we’ll include it in our list! Happy Texting!

* Let these words not only touch your eyes, let them travel through your soul, and let them rest in your heart as you rest in mine…I love you.

* You’re still the one…

* Words alone will never be able to express the depth of my love for you.

* In case you didn’t know, I’ll be loving you always and forever!!

* Just when I thought it couldn’t get better, you prove me wrong! I love you!

* Falling in love with you was the easiest thing I’ve done in my life.

* Hand in hand and heart to heart my love for you shall never part.

* Even though we are apart, my love you will never part.

* I’ll love the sun for days, the moon for nights, and YOU for forever.

* Loving you makes my heart explode with happiness.

* Rains fall, winds blow, the sun shines… it all comes naturally, just like loving you.

* Simply said… I love you…

* Being with you is like having every single one of my wishes come true.

* Loving you has been the best thing to ever happen to me!

* Just had to let you know… you’re the best! I love you!

* There is no long distance about love; it always finds a way to bring hearts together, no matter how many miles are between them.

* You are the sun in my day, the wind in my sky, the waves in my ocean, and the beat in my heart.

* I wish I was there to hold you tight instead of just send this loving, “Good Night.”

* Thank you for being the one who calms all my inner fears.

* Your love is all I’ll ever need.

Below is a list of questions geared to enhance the intimacy in your online or long distance relationship. One of the largest relationship problem areas in these types of relationships is the lack of intimacy and closeness that an “in person” relationship brings. This list should help bridge that gap. To enhance the romantic mood, make sure you have at least an hour to spend with each other. Pop in a romantic CD, light a few candles and enjoy each other’s company.

Questions:

Describe your dream vacation?

What are five attributes do you admire most in your love?

Share three areas of your life you want to improve.

What three ways is your love most helpful and supportive to you?

Tell your partner about a time when you felt them sending love to you non-verbally.

Describe your dream car.

Describe what your perfect birthday celebration would be.

Describe your dream house.

Share five things you want to accomplish or do in the next few years.

What unique thing do you love about this relationship?

Describe what you consider to be romantic.

Share three things that make you proud of yourself.

Tell your partner what you love about them.

What three things can you do to make your relationship even better.

Describe the perfect romantic weekend getaway.

How is your life better since you’ve met your love?

Share the times you have trouble expressing your feelings.

What are you looking forward to most when you see them?

What one thing do you really appreciate that your partner does for you?

Share a dream you both have and talk about a way to make them come true.

How do your differences compliment each other?

Describe the perfect romantic evening from start to finish.

Intimacy is a key survival ingredient in a long distance relationship. Without that feeling of connectedness, doubts and dissatisfaction start to emerge and can eventually lead to serious problems. Due to this, it’s even more important for couples in long distance relationships to find ways of keeping that feeling of togetherness. Fortunately, we’re here to help!

Below are 10 ways to help you close the intimacy gap in your relationship. The main goal in presenting these ideas is to help you and your partner feel more involved in each other’s daily lives. You may not actually be there, but you can definitely make them feel like you’re a part of what’s going on!

1. Voice Memos
Nothing can bridge the gap like the sound of your partner’s voice. Voice memos are one of the easiest and cost effective ways to achieve this. You can send your partner a voice memo key chain with the words “I love you” on it. You can get a voice memo photo frame and record “thinking of you always” on it. You can get a personal recorder and just say random thoughts about your day to your partner and send it to them at the end of the week. Many stuffed animal companies offer voice recordings inside of the toy. You could say different recordings such as, good night, sweet dreams, good morning, I love you, and so on. Today’s market has so many products available that your options are only limited by your creativeness.

2. Daily Journal/Blog
Chances are you’re pretty Internet savvy if you are in a long distance relationship. If you are, sign up for a free blog somewhere and send your partner the username and password. Use this tool as a way to frequently communicate with each other about your daily life and thoughts. If you don’t have access to a blog, write a little something about your day each night. At the end of the week, mail your partner the letters.

3. Web Cam Dates
When you’re missing your partner’s touch, a web cam date can be the closest remedy available. Frequently arrange a set time for these dates. Take turns planning on what you’ll talk about or do. Some couples have used these as an opportunity to share a romantic candlelit dinner, watch a movie together or even play games such as Battleship.

4. Shared Moments
Once a day, stop and do the same thing at the exact same time. You could gaze at the stars, say a little prayer for your partner, send an instant message or take the time to write to each other. Just knowing that you are doing the same thing, at the same exact moment as your partner, can do wonders towards increasing your intimacy.

5. Let it Grow
A plant is often referenced as a symbol of a growing relationship. Use this symbol in your romance by sending each other a plant to take care of. As the plant grows, press leaves or flowers to send to each other in your mailings. When the long distance aspect of your relationship ends, plant them side by side at your new dwelling.

6. Scrapbook of Our Relationship
It often helps to have something to look back on while we are apart. A scrapbook or photo album is a great way to do this. Whenever you are together take LOTS of pictures. After you separate again collect the pictures and put them in an album. Write little notes about how you were feeling during the certain times the photographs were taken and tuck them under or next to the photograph. Make two copies and send one to your partner. Whenever you are feeling lonely, take out your book and remember all the fun times you’ve had together.

7. Journal of Love Letters
Couples in long distance relationships are usually faced with more episodes of doubt than the typical relationship. To help counter this, make sure you are both sending letters to each other, even if by e-mail. Every so often, compile your communications and put them in a journal format. If you can, send your partner a copy of the journal as well. Now, whenever those feelings of doubt creep in, make a date with your journal and spend some time reflecting over how well you’ve have made it so far.

8. Make it Personal
Send your partner an item of clothing or something personal that they can see or wear daily. It should be something that you use frequently that will instantly remind them of you. Sometimes it’s the littlest things that can make everything feel all right.

9. Framed Pictures
There’s nothing like seeing your partner’s beautiful face daily. Let your face be the first thing they see each morning and the last each night. Make an effort to send framed pictures to your partner whenever possible. I’d try for a new one each month. You can make it more creative as well by having each picture reflect something about each month. For example, in December have a picture taken with Santa or in the snow. You can also use each month as an opportunity to share a moment in your life. Take a picture of you doing something you do every day. Each month pick a new daily task to take a picture of.

10. The Scent of Love
One of the most effective ways to trigger an emotion is through the use of scent. When sending something to your partner, spray a bit of your cologne or perfume on it. You can spray things like a pillowcase, a stuffed toy, love letters or a piece of clothing.

Remember, while long distance relationships aren’t easy, they can be the most rewarding. The time and effort you take to cultivate your intimacy now WILL transfer over into your future time together. The main goal here is to make each other feel like you are connected and involved in each other’s daily life. It is the number one success tip of any long distance relationship. If you can achieve this, you will be on the right path to a very successful long-term romance.

I’m having a serious problem that both relates to commitment and long-distance. My girlfriend of nearly two years just left our home in Alabama to go off to culinary school in California. Before she left, she made it very clear that although she loves me, she wants to live her life in California and be able to date other people. I, on the other hand, have no desire to do the same, and I’m actually almost ready to marry her. When I went to visit her last weekend, I made an off comment about commitment and she got really upset at me. Does this mean that she doesn’t love me as much as she says she does or is she just simply trying to make sure that I’m the right one? Should I be worried about what is going to happen with her or should I be confident that she cares about me? -Different Paths

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but it sounds like your girlfriend has other plans…and they don’t include you. Big moves often signify new beginnings or starting over. It seems from what she’s told you that she wants to have new experiences and not be limited by the fact she has a boyfriend waiting back home. If I were you, I would definitely find out exactly where you stand with her. There is absolutely no use holding out for someone if they aren’t willing to do the same. The way it looks right now, you either face the heartbreak now, or possibly face something worse later on.

Do

1. Make your partner feel comfortable.
2. Keep the conversation flows going.
3. Be an interesting date.
4. Laugh at their jokes.
5. Be on time.
6. Be yourself.
7. Talk about their interests also.
8. Be a romantic.
9. Be confident.
10. Show respect to your date’s wishes.

Don’t

1. Talk about yourself all night.
2. Be late.
3. Talk about an ex-relationship all night.
4. Eat with your mouth open.
5. Try to be something you are not.
6. Show disrespect for your partner or their beliefs.
7. Forget to thank them for the date.
8. Pursue sex after your partner has said no.
9. Propose marriage or kids.
10. Ask too many questions.

# Go out for dinner then a movie. Having dinner together lets you get to know them better while watching the movie together provides the perfect atmosphere to just get used to them without having to talk too much.

# Go out to eat, sit and talk and give a small kiss goodnight.

# Have a picnic at a lake under the moonlight.

# Walk along the beach at night.

# Have dinner, watch a movie and end the night by playing video games at a local arcade together.

# Holding hands while walking in the park, getting to know each other.

# Go out to eat, watch a movie, have a moonlight walk on the beach ending the evening with the perfect kiss.

# Go out to dinner then spend time together at a coffee shop getting to know each other.

# Getting to know each other in the back of a truck on a back road under a starry sky.

# Laying by the fireplace with romantic music and candlelight getting to know each other.

# Go out dancing together.

# Have a candlelight dinner, dance under the stars followed by a romantic stroll.

The climax of just about every love story is that key moment when the object of affection looks longingly into the other’s eyes; their heart pounds so fast that it sends paralyzing jolts of euphoria throughout the body, and then they say those three little magic words… I love you. This scenario is maybe what we see in the movies, but it is also how we imagine it happening in real life. And, quite frankly how it really should be. Anything else is nothing short of a disappointment. So, how can you ensure that your first “I love yous” will play out like the scene you’ve always envisioned? Read on.

One of the most important things to know about saying I love you is that, from the receiver’s point of view, having someone tell you that they love you when the feelings aren’t reciprocated is a horrible feeling. All of a sudden, feelings of fear and a sense of obligation emerge. With this in mind, take the following advice to heart if you are the one saying the first, “I love you.” Even though being honest to yourself and others is of utmost importance, taking your partner’s feelings into consideration is an equally necessary component. We often tell ourselves we are experiencing true love when we feel lust, excitement and connection. In my opinion, time is the only sure way to decipher the true nature of your emotions.

It can often seem like we have a built in compulsion to fall or be in love. Sometimes I feel like I could, and do, fall in love every other week. For example, my latest love affair began with a long phone call and then four dates in one week. We both fell so hard for each other, that one day (during the second week), the words just slipped out of my mouth. He was so happy, he picked me up and twirled me around saying, “I love you too. I love you too.” The following month, we were on fire. Predictably, the month after was a little different. After spending every day together for a month, we got to know each other pretty well and there wasn’t anything left to talk about. Our dreams for the future were vastly different and as for our ideas of intellectually stimulating conversation, well…there weren’t any.

This left me in the predicament of forced “I love yous.” I found out that this wasn’t the kind of love that means, “I don’t ever want to imagine a day without kissing you and I’d do anything to ensure that I don’t.” You see, most people hear those words when you’re telling them that you love them. It’s what they want to hear, so they do. Hearing those words when you don’t reciprocate the feeling SUCKS! If you aren’t sure that what you’re feeling is mutual or immutable, wait. It’s worth it. Hold your tongue until you’re sure to have a “movie moment.” The more anticipation you can build up, the better your moment. Pushing for this key moment will only cheapen it.

Imagine yourself marrying this person and then, ten years down the road, you’re reminiscing. “Oh, honey, do you remember the first time I said ‘I love you’?” How do you want that memory to be? I think some people treat the words so casually, that they forget soon after, but there are some who will forever keep the memory because they prevented prematurely saying, “I love you.”

You’ve met this potentially great person, you’ve exchanged numbers, talked about a possible future date…now what? Do you call right away when you get home, or do you wait so you don’t seem so desperate? While each individual and relationship is different, there a few guidelines you may want to consider as a general rule for phone etiquette.

1. Wait until the next day to call after a date.
When you do call, keep it short. A simple, “Just wanted to call and thank you for the date. I had a great time…” will suffice. You don’t want to call too soon to give the impression of being clingy or needy, and you don’t want to let too much time pass so your date doesn’t think you are interested in them. If you need to call again, make sure it is for an actual purpose, such as information needed for a next date.

2. For numbers or e-mail addresses received in a club or other dating scene, contact after 2 days.
Chances are you barely even exchanged names, let alone any pleasantries. Don’t give your potential partner a reason to think you take names and numbers from strangers as a frequent habit. Two days is plenty of time for them to wonder if you’ll call, and to be pleasantly surprised when you do. Don’t wait any longer than three days or you may have to explain who are, an uncomfortable position for anyone to be in.

3. As a rule, don’t call the person more than they call you.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of being the one to call the other. I know for some people this may not be possible to avoid, but if you can accomplish it, you’ll feel much better knowing the interest is equal on both sides. How many times have you wondered if they actually were interested in you because they never call you?

4. Always be upfront and honest on the phone.
It can be very easy to let a little white lie slip on the phone, especially since they can’t see you in person. Don’t do it. Don’t exaggerate your interests, your personality, etc. Just be you. If they don’t like it, then they are not worth your time anyway. You don’t need to be liked by everyone who shows some interest.

5. Respect their work or living schedules.
If they have a different schedule, or have certain living conditions that prohibit free phone time, always take that into consideration before calling. It can be considered a huge turn-off for many.

6. Don’t call them at work, unless they have specifically asked you to.

7. If they don’t call you back, try two more times to call them, and then move on.
Three times is not a charm when it comes to phone etiquette. If they don’t have the decency to call and let you know what’s going on, or that they aren’t interested, you don’t need them. If you really, really, really thought there might be a connection you could try calling again in a month or so to see if their time has freed up.

What your date will be looking out for!

Are you second date material?

During The Date

“I would go out again if we both had fun and gained a higher knowledge of each other.” -Kat

“What would make me decide to have a second date would be to have shared some of the same interests. You know so we can actually have something to do while were out. It makes the relationship exciting, and keeps your mind on something instead of worrying about ‘what if’ all the time.” -Teeasha

“I’d go on a second date if he is funny, and able to carry on an intellectual conversation. I would feel very comfortable being around him.” -Michelle

“If a man can intrigue me with his humor, intelligence, that look in his eyes and make me feel like a queen in the smallest of ways (little things), there will be a second date.” -Ashley

“I think the second date should come if you click with the guy/girl. If there is a conversation that lasts longer than 5 minutes, and he/she doesn’t say, ‘Um really?’ and roll his/her eyes and looks away, or look bored.” -Crystal

“I’d consider a second date when there is mutual attraction, not only physically, but also in the intellectual and spiritual level.” -Nicole

“If you find someone who makes you laugh, and makes you feel happy, then it’s worth holding on to to see if anything is there. Everything deserves another chance, you only live once, so what’s the harm in trying?” -Claire

“In my opinion, what makes me decide if a first date is worth a second is when or during my first date I’m having fun. I don’t have to look at my watch and count how many hours I have left so I can go home. Also, when the guy I’m on the date with has a very good sense of humor.” -Giselle

“I would go on a second date when the guy tries hard to learn more about my life. When he doesn’t say things that are insulting, and starts off personal questions by saying, ‘You don’t have to answer this if it seems offensive.’” -Kimberlie

The Goodnight Kiss

“I’ll go on a second date when a guy doesn’t say he’ll call me for that second date, but instead makes definite plans right then and there. A good kisser doesn’t hurt either.” -Bobbi

“The decision regarding a second date is involved with basically, his manners. There shouldn’t be any kind of pressure on the first date, and you should definitely not go to a movie. Who is going to want to talk during a movie? If he is really interested he’ll think of something fun and entertaining, but not something that will take the attention off of you. And of course, the goodnight kiss. If it’s bad, he’s S.O.L.” -Danna

“If the guy doesn’t expect sex on the first date, then he is worthy of a second date.” -Stephanie

Lasting Impressions

“I’d go on a second date if they still give me that butterfly in the stomach feeling by the end of the date.” -Dan

“If he thinks I’m even cuter after I’ve managed to trip over my two left feet, or drop part of our romantic dinner on myself, then he’s definitely worth a second date in my book!” -Erin

“When your date is over and you’re lying on your bed not able to stop thinking about him; that’s when you should consider a second date (and a third, a fourth…)!”

Do you remember the days when you would go to great lengths to impress your significant other or way back to the days when make-believe was the center of your existence? If you don’t, take my word for it, it was really fun. When we’re all grown up and playing house isn’t playing anymore, our priorities change and we forget all about being carefree and fun loving. We focus on work, finances, family, and if we find the time, a little romance.

Double dating can go a long way to bringing the healthy imagination and variety from our adolescence back into our relationship. Spending time with your friends can help bring a different kind of intimacy to your relationship. Many times it puts things into perspective knowing you’re not the only couple in the world who may do certain things.

When planning your “double date,” be aware that every couple has a certain way of doing things, so choose activities that still allow each couple to be independent. Each party should be able to participate as much or as much as they wish according to their personal preferences. While some activities are appropriate for all couples, some should only be attempted by already close-knit friends. For example, two couples on a camping trip that don’t know each other very well could end up becoming a very uncomfortable situation. Activities like camping require too much lifestyle integration under inescapable circumstances for unfamiliar couples.

Whatever activity you choose, keep in mind that, as much fun as it can promote, double dating can also put pressure on a relationship if someone feels neglected. Make sure to stay attentive to your partner.

For some great ideas for your next “double date,” see below!

Quadding, snow mobiling, jet skiing and water skiing are great for the outdoor types. Recreational vehicles are often rented at lakeside resorts.

Rent a party or a houseboat at a lake for the afternoon. Split the cost of the houseboat among all attendees. Have everyone be responsible for bringing something such as music, a camera, food and party supplies.

Slick-kart or go-kart racing requires a willingness to adjust your maturity level a bit, but is well worth it. I encourage you to give it a try as it’s certainly an activity that is sure to bring out the child in you.

Host an international potluck. You can get a kit for these types of parties online. For example, you can host a murder mystery party where everyone is in costume; the kit comes with a game plan, strategy and specific characters. Each party brings a different ethnic dish to dinner. For example, one person brings lasagna and another brings borsch, etc.

Host a character party. Similar to the above suggestions, you can order kits for these parties online that come with costumes, game plans, strategies and specific character outlines. One of the most popular themes is murder mystery, Clue style. For more information go to Theme Parties N More or Plantastic Parties.

Have a poker night. Including the girls in a traditionally male activity allows men to show off their skills and teach their partners something new. Be sure to include the traditional poker night fare: cigars, beer and junk food.

Bowling: boys against girls.

Barbecue, badminton and volleyball. Arrange to meet at a local park or host the event at your home.

Take a dinner train through the mountains. They range from formal to casual or theme based environments. For more information go to American Dinner Trains or Dinner Theater on the Rails.

Take off for a three-day cruise. Surf the web for cruise information. You’ll find that they are reasonably priced and categorized by the average age of passengers on each cruise line. That way, you can choose to be in your own element.

Day at the river, lake or beach. Nothing brings about romance and unites friendships like a day spent relaxing and wading at your favorite water spot. Have everyone bring goodies to share.

Go golfing or play miniature golf. Spending the day in a beautifully groomed park atmosphere while learning or practicing a sport you all enjoy is a kind of secret paradise. If you’re not inclined to playing the sport, fun it up a bit with a few rounds of miniature golf and video games.

Have you ever met someone and then had the nagging suspicion that they might have more than “friends” in mind? There aren’t always clear cut signs, but there are some not so obvious clues that people give…even when they aren’t aware of it. The next time you need help determining a potential partner’s interest level, use these seven tips as your guide.

1. Their pupils are enlarged when talking with you.
The human pupil dilates when someone is excited or is having strong feelings about something. You can gauge a lot about their interest by paying attention to their eye contact. We often reveal far more than we desire through our eyes.

2. They seem to share a lot of common interests.
If someone is engaging in activities that you like to do, or making an extra effort to be a part of them, chances are they’re doing it just to spend more time with you. Take notice of how often they are asking or desiring to do things with you. If it seems rather frequent, it’s a good sign they are in to you.

3. They want to spend time with you over weekends and holidays. With schedules the way they usually are for people, spending time on special days like weekends and especially holidays is a very clear sign that they are interested in something more than just hanging out together. All weekend invites are not only a great way to get to know someone on a deeper level, they are also a pretty open message that they want to see if this relationship has any potential.

4. They give you a pet name.
Pet names are usually reserved for someone you have a sweet spot for. If your potential interest has decided to call you by one, you’re in a pretty good position interest wise.

5. They send gifts without a reason.
This is probably the most obvious sign on this list. If they’ve sent you flowers or any small gift, they are trying to let you know you’ve gained their interest. Now the ball is in your court to signal that you want to take things a little further.

6. They do little things for you.
Do you find your potential interest going out of their way to do favors for you? Maybe they offer to run an errand or go grab something for you. You can especially tell if they are interested when you are within a group of friends. Are thet only doing the little favors for you?

7. They tell friends and family about you, or they introduce you to them. If they have talked about you to their friends and family, you can be assured you are on their dating radar. If they feel comfortable enough to introduce you to the family, you’re probably looking at a potential romance. With this sign you have to gauge each situation individually. If they have a really open relationship with their family, it may not mean anything special. However, if they are usually closed off with them, they are definitely ready for something more.

There are many different ways someone will show you they are interested. You really need to take the whole situation into perspective and be aware of which method they are choosing to communicate their interest

If you’re nervous, as most of us are, prepare for your first encounter just as you would when vying for a promotion at work. Practice ahead of time! Make up a little 3×5 flash card set with subjects you are comfortable talking about or questions that are conversation initiators (forget about the weather, that’s a dried up subject).

Here are a few you can use that are sure to spark some interest:

* Read or watch the news ahead of time and discuss current events. Stick to positive uplifting ones and stay away from politics and religion. Example: Recently in the news there was a story about an autistic boy whose lifetime dream was to play basketball. To be close to the sport he did all the dirty jobs for both the boys and girls teams at his school. The last game of the season he was allowed on the court and scored a slam dunk.

* Talk about your family (positively). Example: I have two brothers and one sister. Growing up we…

* Liven up the conversation with topics of any recent travels. Example: Recently I traveled to Washington State to see the Fish Market in Seattle. Talk about your experiences there and what you saw.

* Ask about their career and how they happened upon it. Example: What do you do for a living? What made you decide on that career path? Did you go to school for your career choice?

* Ask about their family (if they shy away, you need to also). Example: Do you have brothers or sisters? Does your family live close?

These are just a few topics. If you can’t think of any yourself pour over the Internet for resources on topics of conversation. While I gave you a few suggestions above, there are many more I am sure you can come up with.

So here you are spending another Sunday morning alone instead of cozying up sharing breakfast in bed with your special someone. Have you ever stopped and asked yourself why? I’m not referring to the rhetorical questions you throw out in the midst of singlehood despair. If you dig a little deeper you might just find a way to break through and realize your dreams of happily ever after.

Below are few of the most common scenarios of why people haven’t found love. If any strike a chord follow the advice given. If not, take some time for honest self-discovery and find out what’s blocking you.

1. Too busy to even think about love.
With all of life’s demands these days, taking time to find a partner can seem incredulous. Instead, learn to play smart. Make a list of traits you’d like a potential partner to have. Create a list of things you offer and can bring to a relationship. Then, figure out a few places where you’d find the most people with the similar traits you listed. For instance, a golf club, a running group, etc. In addition to this, try an online dating service such as Kiss.com. Just use the information you already created to make your profile!

2. Too scared of heartbreak.
Have you ever noticed that sometimes we end up failing before we even get our foot in the door. This is most likely to happen when we dwell on what could happen instead of allowing things to just occur naturally. Don’t fixate on the negative otherwise it will be sure to happen. Relax, trust yourself and know that no matter what you go through it will always be something you can handle.

3. No one has met my criteria yet.
Making a list of traits you wish your potential partner to have is something I continually advise. But, like many things there can be a downfall to it. If your list is filled with too many specific traits, such as they must make X amount of dollars a year or they must be from a certain city, you’re going to find it difficult to meet anyone. Don’t get too carried away, and allow yourself to be open to new experiences. There is something to be said about the old truth of opposites attracting.

4. I couldn’t miss the Friday Night TV Movie Special!!
How often do you actually get out to try and meet new people? You’re not going to get anywhere if you’re sitting at home avoiding the inevitable. If confidence is a factor, do something for yourself. Start a new workout program, get a new hairstyle, or buy a few new clothes. Take some time out to improve yourself. Not only will it make you feel better about yourself, but you’ll find yourself more attractive to other people just because of your attitude shift.

5. I’m still in love with my ex.
How can you create a future with someone if you’re too busy looking at the past? There are three outlooks to anything - the past, the present and the future. Anytime you overly focus on one outlook the others start to dwindle away. Each day spent avoiding the others is a day wasted. Do whatever it is you need to do to get over it, and move on. Life is full of surprises, twists and turns. It is not an easy, straight path. Let go of your past so you can see what is in store for you just around the corner.

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In the dating world, it seems that everyone expects the love of their life to fall from a tree and knock them dizzy with bliss. The facts of the matter are hardly as hit-and-miss as our secret desires would like them to be. When someone has a spell of good luck, it’s rarely because of some undeserved, haphazard gift bestowed upon them. If you look back to the period prior to any favorable happenings, you’ll discover a lot of hard work and planning were most likely involved. There is truth in the belief that the effort you put into something will be equal to the result you receive. Where people usually go wrong with this formula is extending the wrong type of effort. The same is true for finding a life mate.

If you don’t discern what you want or expect from your life, you’re never going to get it. You wouldn’t expect a business person to start a new business without researching the field and discovering if it’s a suitable fit. Yet, people consistently dive into the dating pool without first making sure of what they want. The fact that someone shows a bit of interest does not mean they are a suitable match for you. In the end, it isn’t just strong affection or love that makes a relationship work. It’s how compatible you are and how you deal with the little day-to-day things that count. The only way to truly discover what you need from a relationship is to actually plan and research exactly what you want.

When you are ready to seriously begin your quest for finding your life mate, use the following steps to help you get started.

Step 1: Do Your Research No great plan or endeavor can really get off the ground without research. Applying this to your love life may seem strange, but it really only takes a new perspective to get things going. First, analyze your past relationships. What traits or qualities did you really like about your previous partners? Write them down. Then take a look at what aspects of their personalities or your relationship that you disliked. Write those down as well.

You’ll probably get a fairly clear idea of your ideal mate at this point. However, don’t just stop with looking into the past. You’ll get an even more complete picture if you take a look at the people around you who have influenced your overall concept of the ideal relationship. Your parents or other family members’ relationships will affect your opinions greatly. Do the same comparison of likes and dislikes for them. If there are other friends or role models, be sure to analyze those as well.

Step 2: Understand Your Desires
Truly knowing yourself allows you to understand all of your strengths and weaknesses. Once you’re comfortable with what those are, you can find ways to make them work for you. For instance, if you’d rather eat dirt than clean, you know you’ll always need a housekeeper. You also have some more insight on what traits your perfect partner needs to have, in this case a high tolerance for sloppiness. For some of you, the weakness may be an insecurity issue. In this case, while eventually you may get over it, you probably don’t want to get involved with a social butterfly. You’re going to be a lot happier with someone who is a little more reserved in public. Some traits or qualities wouldn’t be considered deal breakers, while others are must haves. Each person is different, so these qualifiers will be unique to each individual. Your job is to figure out the must-have characteristics of your ideal partner.

First, define what you want and need. You did most of this in step one. Now it’s time to expand on your discoveries and get a complete picture of your ideal relationship. Make sure to include small snippets of things you’ve always envisioned doing. For instance, do you imagine someone who enjoys cuddling on the couch while watching scary movies with the snow falling outside? Whatever it is, make sure to write it down so you can refer back to it and make changes as necessary.

Next, you need to determine what certain terminology actually means to you. You won’t be able to express what you expect from a partner if you don’t even know what it is yourself. Take a while and really figure out what exactly does love mean to you. What is your idea of “romance”? What are your views regarding sex? What does marriage mean to you? What about commitment?

Now it’s time to look at what specific requirements you’d like your potential life partner to have. How important is education? What about their level of independence or financial stability? What stage in their career should they be at? What about religious beliefs? Is having a different romantic style a deal breaker?

By knowing ahead of time exactly what it is you’re looking for, you’ll be able to tell early in a relationship if the person you are with matches your criteria. This will allow you to end bad relationships before anything progresses too far. In addition, you’ll be able to move ahead with more confidence when you do find that particular someone who meets your expectations.

Step 3: Put Your Discoveries into Practice
So, you now know what you want, but how do you go about actually getting it? Since there are shelves of books dedicated to this pursuit, I’m just going to give you a few pointers to steer you in the right direction.

The first tip should be fairly obvious, but it’s amazing how often it’s over-looked. You’ve just dedicated all this time to figuring out what makes you tick, so it’s time to use it to your advantage. If you’re looking for someone to date, don’t go to a place you’re not likely to meet anyone with those qualifications. Try to find the best possible places where the odds of meeting someone with your particular interests are higher. If you love to cook, join some cooking classes. If you love to read, join a book club. If you love dancing, take some dance lessons. A little research into what your city offers could pay off quite nicely. When you talk with someone you are interested in, try bringing up the hobbies and interests you enjoy. Get a gauge early on as to whether you actually have things in common. This is also a great conversational segue to asking for an actual date.

When you go on your dates, do things that reflect how you want your marriage or long-term relationship to be. For instance, if you enjoy shopping, take your date on a few trips to the mall. If you love the outdoors, let your dates reflect that. Not only will you be finding out if you both enjoy the same things, you’ll also be giving your potential partner a better glimpse at who you really are. Even if things don’t work out romantically, if you discover you share common interests, you’ve at least gained a friendship.