“A True Warrior Prays For Peace”
“But Is Willing To Kill In A Moments Notice.’
SUPPORT OUR TROOPS

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and
6 days you would have produced enough
sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and
9 months, enough gas is produced to
create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that’s more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it
pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A Pig’s Orgasm Lasts 30 Minutes.
(In My Next Life, I Want To Be A Pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without
its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy.)
(I’m still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses
150 calories a hour
(Don’t try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate
while its head is attached to its body.
The female initiates sex by ripping the
male’s head off.
(Honey, I’m home. What the…? )

The flea can jump 350 times its
body length. It’s like a human jumping
the length of a football field.
(30 Minutes , Lucky Pig !)
( Can You Imagine ?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life)
(Quality Over Quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know..)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
((Hmmmmmm…..))

Right-handed people live, on average,
nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants & Hippos are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat’s urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
{Must Have Been A Government Funded Study}

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species
that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig?)

Now that you’ve smiled at least once,
it’s your turn to spread these crazy facts
and send this to someone you want to
bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.

In other words, send it to everyone !
(And God love That Pig!)

New Theory about Women :

1. To find a woman you need time and money therefore:

women = time x money ………… @

2. ” Time is money ” so

time = money ………… ……… ……@

3. Therefore:

women =money x money

women = ( money )^2 ………… @

4. “Money is the root of all problems ”

money = ( problems )^1/2 ……@

5. Therefore:

women = (problems)^2/ 2

And the final conclusion is

———— ——— ——— -

women = problems

———— ——— ——— -

Hey girls out there, this mail is just for fun,

Now don’t get angry and create any problem to prove that this theory is correct….

G REAT 6 MORALS

Do you know the Relationship between two eyes?

1) They blink together,

2) They move together,

3) They Cry together,

4) They see things together

5) They Sleep together

6) BUT They never see each other

THAT’S FRIEND SHIP

The phone bill was exceptionally high and

the man of the house called a family meeting…

On a Saturday morning…

after breakfast…

Dad:
People this is unacceptable.
You have to limit the use of the phone.
I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum:
Same here,
I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son:
Me too,
I never use the home phone.
I always use my company mobile.

Maid:
So - what is the problem?
We all use our work telephones !!!!!

The distance you keep from the other person when flirting is important, because it will affect his or her impression of you, and the quality of your interaction. Perhaps even more importantly, paying attention to the other person’s use of distance will tell you a great deal about his/her reactions and feelings towards you.

When you first approach an attractive stranger, having established at least an indication of mutual interest through eye contact, try to make eye contact again at about 4ft away, before moving any closer. At 4 ft (about two small steps away), you are on the borderline between what are known as the ’social zone’ (4 to 12 ft) and the ‘personal zone’ (18in to 4ft).

If you receive a positive response at 4ft, move in to ‘arm’s length’ (about 2ft 6in). If you try to approach much closer than this, particularly if you try to cross the 18in ‘personal zone/intimate zone’ border, your target may feel uncomfortable. The ‘intimate zone’ (less than 18in) is reserved for lovers, family and very close friends. If you are close enough to whisper and be heard, you are probably too close for comfort.

These distance rules apply particularly in face-to-face encounters. We will tolerate reduced interpersonal distances when we are side by side with someone. This is because when you are alongside someone, it is easier to use other aspects of body language, such as turning away or avoiding eye contact, to ‘limit’ your level of involvement with the other person.

You can therefore approach a bit closer than ‘arm’s length’ if you are alongside your target – at the bar counter of a pub, for example – rather than face-to-face. But be careful to avoid ‘intrusive’ body-language such as prolonged eye contact or touching.

If you have misjudged the appropriate distance, in either a face-to-face or side-by-side encounter, the other person’s discomfort may show in his/her body language. Your target may attempt to turn away or avert his/her gaze to avoid eye contact. You may also see ‘barrier signals’ such as folded or tightly crossed legs, or rubbing the neck with the elbow pointed towards you. If you see any of these signs, back off!

Finally, remember that different people have different reactions to distance. If your target is from a Mediterranean or Latin American country (known as the ‘contact cultures’), he or she may be comfortable with closer distances than a British or Northern European person. North Americans fall somewhere between these two extremes. Different personality-types may also react differently to your approach: extroverts and those who generally feel at ease in company will be comfortable with closer distances than introverts and shy or nervous types. Even the same person may vary in tolerance from day to day, according to mood: when we are feeling depressed or irritable, we find close distances more uncomfortable.

Your eyes are probably your most important flirting tool. We tend to think of our eyes mainly as a means of receiving information, but they are also extremely high-powered transmitters of vital social signals. How you look at another person, meet his or her gaze and look away can make all the difference between a successful, enjoyable flirtation and an embarrassing or hurtful encounter.

Eye contact – looking directly into the eyes of another person – is such a powerful, emotionally loaded act of communication that we normally restrict it to very brief glances. Prolonged eye contact between two people indicates intense emotion, and is either an act of love or an act of hostility. It is so disturbing that in normal social encounters, we avoid eye contacts of more than one second. Among a crowd of strangers in a public setting, eye contacts will generally last only a fraction of second, and most people will avoid making any eye contact at all.

This is very good news for anyone wishing to initiate a flirtation with an attractive stranger. Even from across a crowded room at a party, you can signal your interest in someone merely by making eye contact and attempting to hold your target’s gaze for more than one second (not too much more, though, or you will seem threatening). If your target maintains eye contact with you for more than one second, the chances are that he/she might return your interest. If after this initial contact, your target looks away briefly and then looks back to meet your gaze a second time, you can safely assume that he/she is interested. If these eye contacts trigger a smile, you can approach your target with some confidence.

If, on the other hand, your target avoids making eye contact with you, or looks away after a fraction of a second and does not look back again, you should probably assume that your interest is not returned. There is still the possibility that your target is just a very shy person – and some females may be understandably wary of signalling any interest in male strangers. The only way to find out is by close observation of your target’s behaviour towards others. Does she consistently avoid direct eye-contact with men? Does he seem nervous, anxious or aloof in his interactions with other women? If so, your target’s reluctance to meet your gaze may be nothing personal, and it might be worth approaching, but only with considerable caution.

Once you have approached your target, you will need to make eye contact again in order to strike up a conversation. As soon as your eyes meet, you may begin to speak. Once a conversation begins, it is normal for eye contact to be broken as the speaker looks away. In conversations, the person who is speaking looks away more than the person who is listening, and turn-taking is governed by a characteristic pattern of looking, eye contact and looking away.

So, to signal that you have finished speaking and invite a response, you then look back at your target again. To show interest while your target is speaking, you need to look at his/her face about three-quarters of the time, in glances lasting between one and seven seconds. The person speaking will normally look at you for less than half this time, and direct eye contact will be intermittent, rarely lasting more than one second. When your target has finished speaking, and expects a response, he or she will look at you and make brief eye contact again to indicate that it is your turn.

The basic rules for pleasant conversation are: glance at the other person’s face more when you are listening, glance away more when you are speaking and make brief eye contact to initiate turn-taking. The key words here are ‘glance’ and ‘brief’: avoid prolonged staring either at the other person or away.

The most common mistake people make when flirting is to overdo the eye contact in a premature attempt to increase intimacy. This only makes the other person feel uncomfortable, and may send misleading signals. Some men also blow their chances by carrying on a conversation with a woman’s breasts, rather than looking at her face.

Parties

Flirting is most socially acceptable at parties, celebrations and social occasions/functions. At some such events (e.g. Christmas/New Year parties) a degree of flirtatious behaviour is not only socially sanctioned, but almost expected.

This is because most parties, celebrations, carnivals and festivals are governed by a special code of behaviour which anthropologists call ‘cultural remission’ – a temporary, structured relaxation of normal social controls and restrictions.

This might just sound like a fancy way of saying ‘letting your hair down’, but it isn’t. ‘Cultural remission’ does not mean abandoning all your inhibitions, letting rip and behaving exactly as you please. There are rules of behaviour at even the wildest carnival – although they may involve a complete reversal of normal, everyday social etiquette. Flirtatious behaviour which is normally frowned upon may be actively required, and prissy refusal to participate may incur disapproval.

Drinking-places

Flirting is also socially acceptable in some public settings, usually where alcohol is served – such as bars, pubs, night-clubs, discos, wine bars, restaurants, etc. One survey showed that 27% of British couples first met their current partner in a pub, and alcohol was voted the most effective aid to flirting by respondents in the Martini Flirting Survey.

Flirting in drinking-places is, however, subject to more conditions and restrictions than at parties. In pubs, for example, the area around the bar counter is universally understood to be the ‘public zone’, where initiating conversation with a stranger is acceptable, whereas sitting at a table usually indicates a greater desire for privacy. Tables furthest from the bar counter are the most ‘private’ zones.

As a rule-of-thumb, the more food-oriented establishments or ‘zones’ tend to discourage flirting between strangers, while those dedicated to drinking or dancing offer more socially sanctioned flirting opportunities. Restaurants and food-oriented or ‘private’ zones within drinking-places are more conducive to flirting between established partners.

Learning-places

Schools, colleges, universities and other educational establishments are hot-beds of flirting. This is largely because they are full of young single people making their first attempts at mate selection.

Learning-places are also particularly conducive to flirting because the shared lifestyle and concerns of students, and the informal atmosphere, make it easy for them to initiate conversation with each other. Simply by being students, flirting partners automatically have a great deal in common, and do not need to struggle to find topics of mutual interest.

Flirting is officially somewhat more restricted in learning-places than in drinking-places, as education is supposed to take priority over purely social concerns, but in many cases the difference is not very noticeable. Taking a course or evening class may in fact provide more opportunities for relaxed, enjoyable flirting than frequenting bars and night-clubs.

Workplace

At work, flirting is usually acceptable only in certain areas, with certain people and at specific times or occasions. There are no universal laws: each workplace or working environment has its own unwritten etiquette governing flirtatious behaviour.

In some companies, the coffee machine or cafeteria may be the unofficial ‘designated flirting zones’, other companies may frown on any flirting during office hours, or between managers and staff, while some may have a long-standing tradition of jokingly flirtatious morning greetings.

Careful observation of colleagues is the best way to discover the unspoken flirting etiquette of your own workplace – but make sure that you are guided by the behaviour of the most highly regarded individuals in the company, not the office ‘clown’, ‘groper’ or ‘bimbo’.

Participant sports/hobbies

Almost any participant sport or hobby can involve flirting. The level of flirtatious behaviour, however, often tends to be inversely related to the standards achieved by participants and their enthusiasm for the activity.

You will generally find a lot of flirting among incompetent tennis players, unfit swimmers, cack-handed potters, etc., but somewhat less among more proficient, serious, competitive participants in the same activities. There are of course exceptions to this rule, but before joining a team or club, it is worth trying to find out if the members have burning ambitions to play in the national championships or win prestigious awards for their handiwork. If you are mainly looking for flirting opportunities, avoid these high-flying groups, and seek out clubs full of happy, sociable under-achievers.

Spectator events

Although they have the advantage of providing conversation topics of mutual interest, most sporting events and other spectator pastimes such as theatre or cinema are not particularly conducive to flirting, as social interaction is not the primary purpose of the occasion, and social contact may limited to a short interval or require ‘missing the action’.

The most striking exception to this rule is horseracing, where all the ‘action’ takes place in just a few minutes, the half-hour interval between races is dedicated to sociability, and friendly interaction between strangers is actively encouraged by racecourse etiquette. In fact, our own recent research on the behaviour of racegoers indicates that the ’social micro-climate’ of the racecourse makes it one of the best flirting environments in Britain.

Believe it or not..Men are Everywhere!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -

Woman has Manin it;

Mrs. has
Mr. in it;

Female has
Malein it;

She has
Hein it;

Madam has
Adam in it;

No wonder men always want to be inside women!
Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now…

I never looked at it this way before:

Ever notice how all of women’s problems start withMEN?

MENtal illness

MEN
strual cramps

MEN
tal breakdown

MEN
opause

GUY
necologist

AND ..

When we have REAL trouble, it’s a

HIS
terectomy.

It was in Middle School, we had a kind of prom ‘cept it was for the 8th graders, and all the guys wore suits and the girls wore dresses and stuff. A guy I liked had asked me to the dance earlier, and we met there. The dance itself was really fun. Afterwords he came over to my house for a little while. We live on a beautiful creek, and in my backyard we have a hammock by the waterside. The moon was up and there were tons of stars in the sky. The way the moon hit the water was just amazing, everything looked so beautiful. Anyway, me and my date went and sat on the hammock and talked for a while. Then he looked up at me and we looked in each others eyes for a long time. He leaned forward and kissed me. Then, pretty much as soon as his lips touched mine, the strings holding the hammock up broke and we both fell to the ground. We looked at each other then cracked up laughing. It was an amazing first kiss to me, better then I could’ve imagined… it was the kind that you know you’ll never forget :]

Showing your feelings has never been easier since the advent of the text message. Anytime or anywhere you can instantly shoot off a message across the globe to the one you love, letting them know they are on your mind. Unfortunately, it isn’t always easy coming up with witty romantic words of love. So, to help ease your burden, we’ve come up with a whole host of romantic messages that will set your love’s heart atwitter with delight. If you have a great message that isn’t included here, let us know and we’ll include it in our list! Happy Texting!

* Let these words not only touch your eyes, let them travel through your soul, and let them rest in your heart as you rest in mine…I love you.

* You’re still the one…

* Words alone will never be able to express the depth of my love for you.

* In case you didn’t know, I’ll be loving you always and forever!!

* Just when I thought it couldn’t get better, you prove me wrong! I love you!

* Falling in love with you was the easiest thing I’ve done in my life.

* Hand in hand and heart to heart my love for you shall never part.

* Even though we are apart, my love you will never part.

* I’ll love the sun for days, the moon for nights, and YOU for forever.

* Loving you makes my heart explode with happiness.

* Rains fall, winds blow, the sun shines… it all comes naturally, just like loving you.

* Simply said… I love you…

* Being with you is like having every single one of my wishes come true.

* Loving you has been the best thing to ever happen to me!

* Just had to let you know… you’re the best! I love you!

* There is no long distance about love; it always finds a way to bring hearts together, no matter how many miles are between them.

* You are the sun in my day, the wind in my sky, the waves in my ocean, and the beat in my heart.

* I wish I was there to hold you tight instead of just send this loving, “Good Night.”

* Thank you for being the one who calms all my inner fears.

* Your love is all I’ll ever need.

Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbour,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’

Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’

The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’

‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Can only take too much
It can be hurt
When it is lied to,
It can be destroyed
When it is broken,
It can be cold
When it is trying not to feel,
It can be selfish
When it is scared.
It can be sentimental
When it cares too much,
It can be loving
When it is loved,
It can be sweet
When it is in love.
In the end a heart is
The greatest most precious gift
Ever giving to us
We most cherish and follow
It no matter what cause in the end
It’s the key to our happiness.

I don’t know what to think anymore
Leading me on yet keeping me behind

I keep chasing
I keep catching

Her signs sometimes clear sometimes dim
What do I do I’m so confused

She’s the only one I wish to be with
On the other hand I care so much I only want the best for her

I tell myself if im not the best its okay
As long as she’s happy ill be happy

But in my heart I know I well ache
I know ill feel empty

Does she or does she not
I keep chasing because I care

Maybe I care too much
Should I just let it go

Or keep praying
I try to always be there
I do whatever I can to help
Whatever puts a smile on her face I do

How far do I have to go
How long do I have to wait?

To have her ill do anything
Yet will she do the same for me

I care too much
To just let it go
Someone like her I never thought I would know

I only have one hope
I pray everyday for her safety and health
I pray that one day will be together as one

Will my prayers be answered I’ll never know
I’ll leave it to God for he is the only one who knows

Software engineer and his wife

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where’s your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - I will go to my dad’s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

please understand me you dont know how i feel
please understand me so my pain can heal
you push me away not knowing my needs
you push me away and my sad heart bleedsyou push me away to confused to hear
you push me away for your world is clear
into a dark haze i suddenly sweep
now i’ll leave you alone and weep
deep in my bleading heart, i sadly plea
because noone ever understands me
so i ask you just to listen and see
that nobody ever understands me!!
____________________________________

accept me as i am
accept me as what i must be
please dont try and change my soul
cause then i wont be free
what i feel is what i am
and what i am is what i feel
even when its ugly and dark
its whats inside its what is real
i know im not perfect
i know i’ve made mistakes
but some you were the cause
and now you try and change me
have you gone insane
im only human im not your pet to train
so accept me as i am
accept me as what i must be
and if you cant accept me
then walk away from me
______________________________________