By the time this article is printed in the Hungarian Internet Kalauz, Robi will have left the country and began a new life with his love in the far away Canada. The story you are about to read is expected to be fulfilled around this time. This is a big event in the lives of Robi and Krisztina, whom kept their relationship on a virtual level for a marathon length of close to one year. Finally, this summer they met for the first time face to face and were able to hold each other in reality.
After one month of blissful togetherness they were forced to separate when Krisztina had to fly back across the ocean and for a while they were once more forced to use the internet and the telephone cables to maintain their relationship. With the help of the cables they were able to spend time together, to share their every days while both were working on establishing a joint future for themselves.
Robi had commented earlier on the stories that appeared in the love story column, but the surprise came when I received the following e-mail from him:
“Many interesting things happened to me since my last e-mail to you. Actually it was your article that prompted me to tell my story, the one that is still going on. Unfortunately it would be next to impossible to do it in writing so I would like to ask if it may be possible to either meet or to talk on the phone. I’m not maniac or anything like that, its simply that I’ve found someone on the net who to me represents joy and the future. To give you an idea, my current phone bill is 117,853HUF – but I don’t care!”
When I first met Robi what surprised me was the determination with which he speaks of his relationship with Krisztina. At that time he never actually met her, yet he knew without a doubt and was willing to say, that he met the ONE. “She thinks of something – and I can say it.” He was talking about perfect harmony and a deep rooted love. Later events have proven him right, but for now let me quote from a conversation that sheds light on how the net brought so close two people who were at such distance from each other.
Tell me how you’ve found each other?
It was just about that time that I was finished with a 4 year relationship and was living alone for a while. Although everything was OK around me I felt a lack of someone in my life. I’ve decided ‘why not’ and out of curiosity I’ve placed an ad through the Datanet personals. I didn’t have any specific ideas, basically I was curious to see who would respond to an ad like that since I’ve never met anyone before that on the Internet. Just for the sake of security I did put the sentence ‘maniacs spare me’. The first message I received simply asked ‘Where do you live?’ Since I was able to determine from the writer’s address that she is in Canada and I was interested in finding out about the country and the people who live there, I thought why not exchange letters with a Canadian girl? That is how it began. My nick was Leon and to Krisztina the name meant the same thing as was my reason for choosing it. We continued to find many things in common as the e-mails went back and forth we were tasting each other, getting to know one another and getting closer to each other. So much so that when I once jokingly mentioned that I was living with someone (I meant it as a joke because I meant the spiders living in my place), her feelings became hurt. She thought I was just playing her along and she wanted to break off our correspondence, that is, she was asking for time to think. By the time I won her back, I realized that this was serious.
Were there other misunderstandings between you?
Yes, but that is almost unavoidable. In written communications this can happen quite frequently. It is enough for one to read a sentence with a different accent than intended and the message will be decoded to mean something different from what had been intended. The most misunderstandings occurred while we were on the ICQ chat. That was the main reason, of course there were others, that we’ve changed over to regularly talking on the telephone, which of course, became a financial hardship for both of us. Still, we could not resist, we needed to hear each other’s voice, at least that. It was wonderful to be together, at times just being quiet. We could also read each other’s thoughts.
Did you completely change over to telephone or did you also still correspond by e-mail?
Yes of course, we wrote lots of letters. Common sense would have dictated that we put all our thoughts into e-mail and on-line chat since that was less expensive and more effective but love has a different point of view. Naturally we continued to write volumes. I opened may mailbox like a man possessed. There were days when I came home during the day from work, much to the joy of my boss, to check if I had any new mail. We tried out ICQ, VoxPhone and the Internet Phone because we wanted to find a solution so we could spend more and more time ‘together.’
What kind of communications records did you set?
There were days when we sent between 4-8 e-mails and the record telephone call lasted 14 hours. That, of course, was not the only time because from November 1, 1997 to the day she arrived we talked anywhere between 2-9 hours daily. Practically we ‘virtually’ lived together. Because of the time difference, we’ve had situations when I went to bed when she was waking, we talked and when I was getting up she was getting ready for sleep, we were still on the line. To this day she’s the one who wakes me, who tucks me in takes care of me and helps me with everything from the distance.
The danger of internet relationships, especially those that last this length is that the individuals completely break away from reality and they create a removed, illusion like image of themselves and of the other that generally shatters upon the first meeting. How were you two able to avoid this?
We tried to give as much as possible of our real selves and a taste of our real existence. We exchanged traditional letters written on paper also to see each other’s handwriting. On the phone we could hear each other’s voice and I’ve sent her a video of me so that she could see my motions, how I move and how I talk. I received lots o photos of her and I was able to see her face and smile frequently. In one of the packages she once sent me a sample of her hair. To reciprocate I sent her my favorite garbo shirt that is still with her. My first gift to her I remember arrived for Christmas. It was a big surprise the first of many others to come. I sent her CD’s and cassettes and after a while she too began to spoil me with her love. The best gift was when she sent me her diary that was written during a 40 day fast.
A 40 day fast? What does that mean?
We offered up a fast for the two of us and the agreement was that for 40 days we would exchange only snail mail as a form of communication. It was extremely difficult to adhere to it and as we’ve confessed to each other later, this was a big test and sacrifice for both of us.
You met in the fall and by the winter love was in full blossom yet you had to wait until the middle of summer before you could meet.
How did you do it?
That became more and more difficult with the passage of time. At the beginning of summer I began to have physical pains just from missing her, that I could not touch and hold her. Still, there was so much I received from her even at this distance that I felt happy and knew that it is worth waiting for. She gave me something important, she gave me back my faith/religion that I thought Id lost. She became the balm of my soul, wonderful, lovely, understanding being with whom I could share all my thoughts of joy and sorrow. I met her family and best friend since her parents lived here in Hungary and they welcomed me to the family.
Tell us what was the much awaited meeting like?
Rationality would have required that I meet her at the airport but I had something more memorable in mind according to my own script and I am very glad that it worked out that way. The moment of our meeting will forever be etched in our mind. Through her father I did send a yellow rose and a message to greet her at the airport which succeeded in getting a tear from her eye. Our intimate meeting was planned for along the prettiest part of the Danube. Since we did not want either one of us to awkwardly stand around waiting for the other, we agreed that at a given time Krisztina would begin walking from Batthyany ter and me from the Chain Brigde and somewhere mid-way we would meet.
Were you very nervous?
No, I was calm because I knew it would be her. The days and hours prior to the meeting were excruciating. Time just did not want to pass and I had a difficult time concentrating on work and sleeping. The impatient wait wore me out and I suffered physically and emotionally. Finally 5 p.m. arrived and through a mobile phone we signaled each other that we were ready to leave. We could have been in conversation but at that time we did not want to, just a walk in solitude. I felt some indescribable feelings when I saw Krisztina approach. She was smiling from a distance. Her smile was beautiful and when we reached each other we stood in an embrace for a long time. We’ve pressed the air out of each other grinning from ear-to-ear from happiness and I was filled with a wonderful sense of calm.
Where did you go first?
After we had another couple that walked by take our photograph at that blissful moment, we had to get refreshments to our dried out throats. Very soon it felt as though we’ve been together for a long time. The useless things were left off since we’ve already knew each other and it felt more like a reunion than a meeting. Our first joint outing was to go to the Holy Family Church where we took part in a six hour service. Both of us accepted communion and lit candles. It was an intimate time for us and being in a church was the most suitable place to express our gratitude for what has happened to us.
Naturally, we’ve spent as much time together as possible. It was as thought I’ve had a lost piece of my soul restored to me. We went to a famous Croatian pilgrimage in Medjugorje where I proposed to her. It was dusk and we stood on top of a hill at the foot of the cross. In a moment, I removed my necklace and asked: “my dearest Krisztina, will you be my wife?” She blushed and simply said: “I’ll be your wife Robi.” I put the necklace around her neck and she’s been wearing it ever since. We hugged and were tremendously happy. (The photo was taken at that moment.) Later, for the sake of formality, I’ve asked her father for his daughter’s hand. This caused a surprise in the family. At first they had their doubts about our relationship, perhaps because of the unnusual age difference (I’m 21 and Krisztina is 28), but soon our surrounding accepted us as a couple. They looked at us with love because they could see how much we loved each other. Wherever we went, Szentendre, Visegrad or a concert at St. Martin, there was a serene, loving peace that surrounded us. When we were in a restaurant it was not the food, but each other that we paid attention to. She is a fantastic person and woman and I ask myself if I deserve her? Her happiness is the most important thing to me and it is only with her that I can find my own. Parting was excruciatingly painful, but four weeks had passed and I had to let her go. We agreed that in December I will visit her. My immigration proceeding is going well and we are both working hard to make our start together easier.
What was it like after being together to go back to the virtual form of communication?
I hat the e-mail the chat. I want her, to feel, see and hear. After the real dimension it is a tremendous step back to return to the virtual. It doesn’t matter that technology had made so many methods of communication available, I suffer from this and I know it is not easy for her either. It is a difficult chore for me to get her to understand that I love her and to comfort her when she gets discouraged. We are making an attempt at cutting down on the telephone use but it is not easy. We continually dream about how wonderful it will be together again and although it is slow in coming, the countdown has begun.
Don’t you regret leaving the country, family and friends?
I’m sorry about my mother most of all, because I know how much she will miss me. But one thing makes it easier, knowing that she is not alone any more. Would you believe that after I introduced her to the mysteries of ICQ and e-mail she too found a partner in Sweden. The man came to visit her in Hungary and my Mother visited him up North. They love each other and although neither wants to permanently leave their country they do organize occasional meetings and the rest of the time spend a lot of time talking on the net, e-mail and generally filling the void in each other’s lives. I am happy that it worked for them also. I remember with a smile the time when we were pushing each other out of the way to get to the ICQ first to see if my Krisztina or her Henrik were in line.
How are you planning your lives in Canada? Aren’t you worried that you’ll want to return, or that you won’t find yourself in a strange country?
In Toronto, where we plan to live there are a lot of Hungarians and it won’t be difficult to find friends and community. Krisztina has lived there for years and through her I should quickly succeed in becoming familiar with local customs, the language, although I already speak English fairly well. I have a specialized job and I believe I can realistically expect to succeed in getting a well paying job that will allow me to provide a secure future for my family. We are planning our wedding for the turn of the century, followed by a dream trip then children and family. I know Krisztina will be a wonderful mother and wife. Among the short term goals I have an important chore. My better half already planned that I would be this years Santa Claus at the local nursery school.
